EPISODE 1
Last week, many of my colleagues and I got an sms. “Baby boy. Baby and mom fine.”
It was from one of our colleagues and the obvious message was that he had become a father, a second time.
Curiously, the message left a sense disbelief among most of my colleagues. The exclamations ranged from the puzzling, “Baby for whom?” to the ridiculous, “Was his wife pregnant?” to one of distrust, “O, we didn’t know his wife was expecting!”
EPISODE 2
Yesterday, another colleague rejoined after a week’s leave.
“Where were you all these days?” asked one.
“Kerala… ” she replied.
“Went on a holiday?”
“No, I went for my engagement. I got engaged….” she replied.
“Wow… you got engaged? O… ho… C’mmon… where are the sweets?”
And, after that a comment: “Hey, but you never told us that you were going to Kerala to get engaged?”
PRIVATE AND PUBLIC LIFE
These two incidents left me thinking about our high levels of curiosity about other people’s personal lives.
Sharing personal information and matters among bosom friends is okay. In fact there is an understandable and justifiable level of expectation as well, to know what’s happening to our close friends.
But, normally, do we all have a birthright to be kept informed about everyone’s personal and private matters?
Why do we expect ourselves to be told about such issues?
Matters regarding relationships or pregnancy are personal, aren’t they? With whom such information should be shared, and when, are personal decisions to be taken by people immediately concerned with them, most importantly the couple.
Yet, why this feeling of “being left out” and “not in the know”?
THAT’S THE WAY WE ARE?
I have heard that westerners are more circumspect when it comes to sharing their personal information. And, no one takes offense if something personal is not shared with them. People take privacy issues seriously. They are touchy about it. In fact, they may take offense if too many prying questions are asked.
Here in India, our culture and tradition expect us to be friendly to one another. That also might mean sharing information, even personal. It’s taken as an indication of being “one among us”, besides cordiality and warmth. That’s the way probably life was in our villages and small towns. It was all one large family; where everyone reached out to one another at good and bad times.
But, city life and its modernity are a lot about individuality. If at all there’s a group or a community it’s never too large for the personal identity of each one to be lost. Large apartment complexes are still identified with the culture of seclusion, isolation and even insensitivity to another human being. “One doesn’t know even if there is a murder next door” — that’s the way people speak about life in flats or in residential layouts of big cities.
It’s tough to draw a clear line when it comes to matters of privacy. Nevertheless, be it in villages, small towns or big cities, it’s good and healthy to have close friends to share our personal thoughts and feelings. A certain level of healthy curiosity in our close friends’ lives in fact gives them the feeling of being cared for by some one.
But on the other hand, I guess it’s too much to expect everyone to let us know whom they are going to marry or how they are planning their family lives!
