A few days back, I was at a health product retail shop looking for a skin cream. While I was checking out various products, I noticed a 20-something guy and 20-something girl in conversation beside me in front of the rack adjacent to the one where the creams were kept. They were obviously discussing what they had to buy, and here is a part of their conversation:
Guy: Hey how about this?
Girl: A new one?
Guy: No… no… it’s been there for some time…
Girl: Is it?… How come I didn’t know…
(An exchange in hushed tone, followed by giggles)
Guy: I am picking this….
Girl: Hey no… It’s no good… Instead you take this… Remember, you had got this once before…?
Guy: Ok ok… it’s your choice ….
Without lifting my head so much as to appear improper, I sneaked through the corner of my eye to see what it must be all about… What was on display on the rack didn’t surprise me. But the conversation did…. In fact, the sort of openness with which the couple were discussing what they wanted to buy, was something, at least, I hadn’t seen before. They were trying to choose between Moods and Kamasutra.
This is a clear indication of the breakdown of traditional barriers and taboos at least among the city folk. I am sure these must be rare couples who are in near-perfect harmony. The average guy, I guess, is still shy when it comes to condoms.
Look at the way women react when it comes to their personal product. A packet of Whisper or Carefree along with other articles of purchase in a shopping cart is no rare sight in a mall nowadays. Mind you, this is not when a woman is shopping alone, but when she is with the entire family. Gone are the days when they worried about what others, especially children, would think.
Well, not surprising, since these are the liberated women of cities. Probably such instances are rare in smaller towns, more so in villages.
But, what about the liberated men of cities? At least, I haven’t found packets of Moods or Kamasutras in shopping carts of families.
Why so?
Is the average man actually shy even while putting up a facade of boldness? Is it because one is a necessity, the other is an option; and therefore sanitary napkins can in no way be comparable to condoms? Or is it because one is more like an extension of lingerie but the other is associated with an act that has potentially lot of implications physically and emotionally?
Whatever be the difference, the big similarity lies in the taboo-tag both have in traditional societies. When both condoms and sanitary napkins are at the same level on a shopping rack, there is definitely a difference between men and women when it comes to buying them.
So can we conclude that liberated women of cities are far bolder than liberated men while confronting and breaking personal and social taboos?
Jan 16, 2009 at 3:45 pm
Good post.
You are raising some difficult questions. And I believe trying to find common answer for everyone will be futile. Definitely there are changes in the culture and the people act much differently now. Yesterdays taboos are today’s way of life.
And I feel that we cannot compare between a condom and a napkin.
Jan 16, 2009 at 5:29 pm
Pradeep,
I agree. Women in Indian towns & cities are much more independent than they were five years ago. May their tribe increase & equal status as men got.
U. Chandran
Jan 16, 2009 at 7:52 pm
Great post, Pradeep. Guess you are right.. the liberated women in cities are probably bolder than the men in cities ..
Jan 16, 2009 at 11:38 pm
that was a really good one – interesting, the route development takes, right? Learning to accept change is of course the most difficult part. People talk of change management all the time, but when reality hits home, you know!!
Jan 17, 2009 at 9:03 am
– Sudheesh
Yesterday’s taboos are today’s way of life… That’s right… Shows how the the world around us changes….
– Chandran
A society free of taboos provides more options to its people, and thereby greater chances for them to lead a more fulfilling life.
Jan 17, 2009 at 4:25 pm
Boldness or emancipation of women can’t be adjudged from just a handful of Bangalore’s mall-goers. A country with unabated female infanticide, rape, dowry deaths, domestic violence etc, this may just be a pebble in an ocean. Of course, your piece assures us that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Jan 17, 2009 at 11:20 pm
The conversation among a couple cannot be considered as the change in society though I agree that women have become bolder compared to early days. Is it surprising if utmost personal matters are being discussed by a girl and her partner? Whether the society has changed or not, she need not consider it taboo to discuss such things with him.
Anyway, moral of the story: Ensure there are no sneaking eyes around you next time you go shopping!
Jan 18, 2009 at 3:19 pm
– Smitha,
Thanks. Good to see women taking initiative to break barriers.
– Maddy,
Thanks. Indeed change is only a fact of life but hard to used to.
– Sreerekha,
True this is no generalisation, even in the urban scenario. But good to see some change for better somewhere.
Jan 19, 2009 at 12:24 am
– Yamini,
Yes, discussion of personal matters between close couples may ntot be a surprise but she making a choice for what is essentially a man’s product surprised me. It then just spurred a train of thoughts about things that are taboo and how men and women react differently to them.
Jan 19, 2009 at 1:53 pm
Your act of posting this itself is a welcome change!
but the fact remains that some items in the shopping cart still manage to reach there with great difficulty and sometimes doesn’t! So let there be bold ones to change it all…
Jan 20, 2009 at 1:19 pm
WOW!! Came here after reading your response to Smitha’s post on women retaining their maiden names …
And am not surprised to find this brilliant post
Like another commenter said above, the fact that you are posting about it is also an indication of the pleasant changes we are seeing around us
Hats off toy ou!!
Jan 20, 2009 at 2:24 pm
First timer. Came here through Smitha’s blog.
I don’t want to make a sweeping statement here but comparing with the past, women now are more valiant whereas men have not changed much.
Still seeing a man posting about it…looks like things are changing a bit
Jan 20, 2009 at 4:54 pm
Indeed interesting..
I guess it is mianly bcoz condom is still considered an option or luxury,whereas sanitary napkins are a necessity..See,let us assume what will be goign thru the minds of people who see sanitary napkins in another woman’s cart..they wouldn’t even bother wasting their time,except for maybe noticing the brand..Whereas,when it comes to condoms in a man’s cart,not to mention woman’s cart,they would start giggling for themselves ..Maybe women will face the same embarassment when it comes to pills or like contraceptives..
Nice post,you have analyzed it is many viewpoints..
Good day
Jan 20, 2009 at 9:43 pm
Oh yes, Women are more liberated and open in these matters.
Nice post.
Jan 23, 2009 at 3:20 pm
I remember a couple having two Kama Sutra packs in their shopping cart in a store. The girl at the counter and the girl helping her to pack the purchases had a quick glance between them. After the couple left (it was my turn for billing), the two girls started giggling and commented openly why they needed two packs. I felt bad.
If this is tha attitude of store clerks, how will anyone buiy condoms there?
I agree with Nimmy that sanitary napkins are a necessity. Though condoms are also a necessity, there are other contraceptive methods available.
Advertisements (esp in TVs) have played a great part in ‘demystifying’ condoms and many shop for them openly.
I don’t think the ‘liberation’ part fits in here.
Jan 23, 2009 at 3:23 pm
Dear Pradeep,
The ‘anonymous’ comment above is by me. I forgot to fill in the fields.
Dinakar
Feb 20, 2009 at 9:49 pm
Ya I agree the couple are quiet candid and these days it is quite common for couples to discuss things openly but mind it this class of the society are meagre in number. We have a majority lot which doestn’t even want to utter certain taboo words…… its always like sssh no… kind of conversations. But I do agree with that women seem to be more eager to break traditional barriers than women. Didnt we see it among the pink cahddi revolutions in Bangalore recently.
Feb 25, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Say nothing of the fact that the girl usually calls the shots and refuses if you treat her anything less than a princess.