Is pregnancy an unquestionable right of a woman? If a woman thinks she is ready to conceive a child, does someone have a right to stop her? Is there a minimum age for a woman to get pregnant? Does she need to be married to get pregnant?
These are quite academic issues in the Indian context. But going by the way western influences are sweeping India, probably these might become real issues in India too.
In the recent past, in the west there have been a few instances that brought forth these critical issues.
- Three months back, America was stunned by the news that as many as 17 girls of a high school — none of them over 16 years of age — tested positive to pregnancy test. What alarmed the nation, that is known for high teen pregnancies, was that the number 17 was more than four times the number of pregnancies the 1,200-student school had last year. The other worrying point was indications that these girls were celebrating their new status and that they had got into a pact to raise children together. (Source: Time)
- A week back, after Alaskan governor Sarah Palin was announced as the American vice-presidential Republican candidate, news emerged that her 17-year-old daughter Bristol was five months pregnant. The family announced that she would keep the baby and she would marry the man responsible. (Source: BBC)
- Just a few days back, France woke up to the news that their justice minister Rachida Dati, who is not married, was pregnant. She declined who name who the father was and said her personal life was complicated. The whole nation is speculating as to who the man could be. (Source: BBC)
These hit the headlines because of the number of schoolgirls involved or because of the women who were involved. But I am sure there are many more such cases in the west that do not hit the headlines.
Pregnancy is a personal issue of a woman (and a man). Nevertheless, the above cases are unusual. Does a woman, who has physically matured to conceive a child, automatically also have the right to conceive a child? If she is psychologically prepared and has the resources to conceive and bring up a child, does she have the right to go ahead? Does she have to be over a particular age? Should she have to be married to get pregnant?
If the French minister has got pregnant, how should it matter to her people or to the world at large as long as she is no threat to peace and carries out her ministerial responsibilities impeccably?
Don’t trivialise parenthood
I don’t think motherhood (and fatherhood) should be trivialised as a rule. It’s just not the physical ability to bear a child, but also the psychological and emotional preparedness, that should determine if a woman is ready to get pregnant.
It’s different from taking up a job, earning an income and then blowing it up mindlessly. It is different staying away from home and hanging out with friends. It is different from taking the first puffs of cigarette smoke. It’s different from getting drunk. It’s different from “having fun” one night (or many nights) with the sweetheart.
Getting pregnant is different. It involves creating a new life. It is being responsible for someone else’s life, for his or her existence. It’s a serious matter; and getting pregnant isn’t like downing few drinks of Vodka. With so many conveniences in the modern world, and mind-boggling changes in value systems, today’s teenagers shouldn’t blamed for having a casual attitude towards getting pregnant, or making someone pregnant; towards motherhood or fatherhood. They need to educated on this aspect.
For a child, her mother and father are more than just two people who give them food and buy clothes. They bring in values to the children’s lives. Single motherhood (or single fatherhood) is a choice for very few people. For most it’s something that’s forced upon them. The next best thing the mother or father can do is to make sure that the child is not deprived of the other parent.
Not as easy as it sounds, I know. But I say that because there are many seemingly normal families which are as good as completely broken up. Father and mother being married is not as important as the constructive role they play in their families, especially for their children.
All said and done, it’s exceptions rather than rules that make this world exciting. May be there are exceptions which have worked well. Yet, as a rule, I don’t think a woman’s right to get pregnant is absolute; it’s not a mere physical state; more than social, there are emotional and psychological attributes to getting pregnant.
You are right Pradeep. A child does need to have both parents around. And irresponsible motherhood is not okay.
A woman should be allowed too to choose whether she wants to have the baby or not – in cases like this where the mother may not be ready – then maybe the child is better off being unborn.
Absolutely right, it is not about the woman’s right. It is about the unborn child’s right. Who decides whether the child needs one parent or both?
It is a well done and well opined post.
Guess it all about being responsible and parenting is the ultimate test of responsibility. As Kalyani commented a child needs to have both the parents around.
If society has upheld the institution of marriage for so many years then there are valid reasons for the same. Unfortunately this institution is being trivialized even in India too and many of our current Bollywood/Mollywood /Kollywood cinemas, TV serials have all started justifying single parenthood.
If the current generation tends to feels that marriage is unnecessary for procreating then the question when to procreate does not arise.
@ Kalyani — The issue is when a mother thinks teen pregnancy or unwed status are okay.
@ Manpreet — Yes, few think about the right of the child who is going to come to this world
@ Happy Kitten — Good point about contemporary serials. I doubt how many of them are sending the right signals.
Balanced and well written article
In my opinion,it is not the pregnancy stage but the parenting stage that matters..See,the child didn’t ask to give birht to him..It was the mother’s and father’s choice(or accidental whatever) to get conceived..Since that point,the child has her own rights and once born it is not our duty,but the baby’s RIGHT to be looked after and brought up well in a good manner..
If people can’t do that,pls don’t have kids and throw them out of uterus,just like waste paper,expecting them to grow up rightly in some way or the other..
“For a child, her mother and father are more than just two people who give them food and buy clothes. They bring in values to the children’s lives.” So poignant and accurate.
What is there about a ‘right to be pregnant’? Rights I feel have nothing to do with it. Physically ready the girl may be, single or not, but psychologically ready she must be, to accept, love and nurture the child. Even animals and birds do this, so maybe it is a gift of nature, that streak in women that makes them automatically care for the child.
I am wondering what made you blog on this topic in the first place!
I think it is totally a woman’s decision whether to continue with her pregnancy or not, provided she is physically, emotionally and financially sound. Also years later she should be able to answer her child’s questions and make him/her emotionally secure. Any failure on any one of those points, the whole episode can only be regretted.
Great blog post, Pradeep, reading something good after a long long time.
Indrani.
@Nimmy:
Thanks. The point you make about the child having not demanded that she be brought to this world, but it was the parent’s decision, is a good perspective. Part of the children’s problems are irresponsible parenting.
@Raji:
Thanks. I guess there is more of responsibility rather than rights here. And there is a subtle difference between getting pregnant and being a parent.
@Indrani:
Thanks. I liked the point you made about a child’s emotional security. This is not a point well recognised by many.
@ Indrani:
What made me write this was the news of the unwed French minister’s pregnancy. Also there have been quite a few related news items some of which I have quoted. The way girls/women were getting pregnant (if I could exaggerate it), I just wondered if they thought they had some absolute right to conceive.
The less men touch this topic the better. As a man and a father of a well educated young man, I would leave it to a woman to decide. I did it in my case and my son will similarly do it in his case. The moment the men start prattling about unwed mother, the pregnancy, the foetus and security etc., they are on a slippery slope. For a very long time in India men controlled woman’s fertility, emotions and women have been enslaved ever since. I know cases in India where young women have been subjected to horrendous torture for delivering a female child and were asked to abort a foetus if it turns out be female. On the other side of the spectrum, I have seen young married women in their 30s forcibly divorced because they could not get pregnant as if not getting pregnant is her problem alone! Shame on this Indian society which worships goddesses and treats women so shabbily.
You are hyperventillating about a gossip from France. I know living in the West, even a Catholic society like the French have, will sort this problem out, if this gossip is true. I do not think you understand the French society, and reacting to news items trawled in cyberspace. Only extreme religious nuts have reservations about any issue in matters like this in the West. Probably Rightwing Biblle bashers like Palin
may react to this adversely.
I would have welcomed a post in such matters from a woman blogger.
Mysorean: Thanks for the long note. Indeed it’s a complicated subject. But I don’t think anything should stop men for discussing it, as they are also involved.
“But I don’t think anything should stop men for discussing it, as they are also involved”
That is the reason given by Indian men from ages who controlled women and their fertility.
@Mysorean: I do understand there is a heavy pro-male bias when it comes to family matters; even among educated families. Probably it’s slowly changing, and women have greater say in such matters, rather than succumb blindly to the diktats of the male folk.
Admitting that Mysorean is ahead of me in years and experience let me still put my comments.
I think it is easy to leave everything in the hands of the women and rest.. so should I say to men who feels that issues like pregnancy, female infanticide etc. is none of their business.
If marriage is the union of two individuals (for the time being we can fix it as that of the opposite genders) why is that for issues such as pregnancy the men should be left out? Is the choice of becoming pregnant and then carrying it to term the right of the woman alone? Are men mere bystanders in this case? Isn’t that a mere fantasy?
I believe there should be an equal participation in this case too. When we look at the case of female infanticides, it is not just the man to be blamed, there can also be a mother-in-law/mother hardened in heart. And to deter this mother-in-law/mother the presence of a father-in-law /father is needed.
”I don’t think motherhood (and fatherhood) should be trivialised as a rule. It’s just not the physical ability to bear a child, but also the psychological and emotional preparedness, that should determine if a woman is ready to get pregnant”
who are we to judge someone else preparedness….arent we taking on something that is best left to individuals in question and learn to accept their decision.
– Happy Kitten:
Indeed men do have a role. If not it’s abdication of responsibility.
– Viju:
That’s one way of looking. As I have mentioned in the post, there are teenagers who are emotionally as mature as adults. So, exceptions are there. My postulate was in an ideal situation.